Crappily Ever After
by InAMoment
Summary: Mephisto has agreed to let Blackheart live to see another day but only if he stays out of trouble. So what happens when him and the Elemantals reunite and get themselves back into trouble? One-shot. Please review!


**This is just a story I decided I'd have some fun with. I thought of it while I was laying in bed and listening to music and came across Weird Al's spoof of Lady Gaga's "Born This Way." - "Preform This Way." on my phone haha. So it's nothing special, just a W-H-I-M ;) **

**Oh and just for the record, I do not listen to either one of those artists. Not exactly my taste in music.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Blackheart, Gressil, Abigor, Wallow, or most of any of the other characters that may possibly make an appearance in my story.**

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><p>I don't know what went wrong! Oh wait, yes I do. Gressil! Gressil is what went wrong! I grabbed my father's cane from Wallow's dripping hand and ran a finger over the top of it, where the little metal skull was suppose to be.<p>

As much as I hope my father doesn't know about this, I have no doubt in my mind that he already does. I mean, this is his favorite cane! As stupid and pointless as it might be, it's still worth something to him for reasons unknown to me. And I don't know about the Elementals, but I'm sure as heck going to be punished for this. The only question is, why hasn't my father done anything about it already?

"He's not..here, and...nither..is the rest of it." Wallow choked out, looking side to side.

I knew exactly what he meant by 'the rest of it.' The skull part of it is missing. And so is Gressil.

"I can see that." I replied through clenched teeth.

After the Ghost Rider had burned the souls within me and sent me back to Hell, my father had me convinced that it was the end of the road for me. But with much butt-kissing and ring-kissing and any other kind of kissing I could possibly endure, I was eventually deemed ''Not worthy of his presence.'' and ''Sentenced to a month in the flames.''

Which in his language means, 'I don't want to have to kill you.' and 'Don't pull anything stupid like that again.' To sum it up, I was let off easy. For the most part. Technically I'm on ''probation'' meaning if I cause anymore trouble I can just say goodbye to life. So when my father gets me in his clutches, which he eventually will, I'm doomed. Literally.

"Maybe it's not..." Abigor's voice trailed off from his place beside Wallow.

I turned from them slightly and began at a slow pace, running my fingers over the cane thoughtfully. I'm going to make Gressil pay for his stupidity before I am forced to return to Hell. Maybe, if I'm lucky, I can drag him down with me. I stopped pacing at looked back at them with black eyes.

"With Gressil." I finished for him, my voice came out as a growl and a hiss when my demon form began to mask my face.

They both adverted their gazes from mine and to the ground. They always did that when I got angry at them. Or angry in general really. I'm suprised they're not used to it by now what with me always having to give them all a good slap in the face for all of the idiotic crap they're constantly pulling!

That brought my thoughts back to my current situation, or as I like to call it, Example #1. Or Example #Too-Many-To-Even-Count. Anyway, I was taking a nice midnight stroll (yes, I stroll) through the town of Nowheresville, trying to keep a low profile as to not upset my father, when out of the blue I get this phone call from a drunken Gressil, telling me that he Wallow and Abigor wanted to take me out and go do something fun for my birthday. And so they did just that. Except they forgot to include one miner detail,

_Me. _

What did I tell you? Idiots.

Anyway, they didn't even remember my birthday till they were already smashed. Gressil told me that they were at some bar which he never told me name of, and he wanted me go there and join them since it was suppose to be my party after all. Iv'e been around them long enough to have grown accustomed to their... 'auras' if you will, so I just followed those to lead me to the bar that there were at.

They were at Al's. They've dragged me here before long ago when I didn't exactly mind it. But now, it's a different story. Al's was the kind of bar that was neither clean nor particularly comfortable. A television blared in the corner of the bar, the windows were all chalky with dirt, and the air was filled with smoke that curled above the tables like the contents of a lava lamp.

But for those who visited Al's regularly, none of those things were important. And according to the owner of Al's, his bar was popular because "It has character." And by character we just assumed he meant cheap booze.

When I showed up I saw the three of them at the end of the bar closest to the back, and cringed at the the sight. I made me thankful for not being invited earlier.

Gressil had who-knows-what spewing from his mouth and nostrils as he laughed to hard at probably nothing and caused himself to throw up, Abigor had climbed his way up onto a table and drunkely danced and swayed around with a bottle of Vodka in his hand and a huge smile on his face like a wasted monkey on crack, and Wallow...well now come to think of it, I think maybe it was part of Wallow that was spewing from Gressil's face. When I got closer I saw my father's cane was laying on the floor with no metal skull on top.

Long story short, I ended up killing every human in the bar on my angry rampage and the entire placed was utterly destroyed by me trying to kill the drunken idiots and the drunken idiots stumbling over and breaking everything, trying as they did, to get away from me.

So much for keeping a low profile.

Of course they had no recollection of how they got it into their possession in the first place, but they did somehow and when I pushed them to remember they practically did nothing but stood there with blank faces and drooled. Or that's how I remember it anyway. Thankfully demons can't get hangovers.

When I had them search the place with me we came up empty handed. Well me, Wallow, and Abigor did. Gressil just disappeared and up until now, nobody had cared. It's only been a day since that little incident and we've torn apart practically every place we've visited on our hunt for Gressil. Humans were killed, buildings were thrashed inside and out, the police were everywhere, and it was all on the news. Not that it really matted how much attention I attracted or what I did anymore. My father is just going to kill me anyway. Yet a little part of me says that if he sees that I have returned with his _non_damaged cane, I'll get a second chance. Or a third, however you like to look at it.

"We could try looking around the cemetery again..." Wallow offered.

I lightly tapped my fingers on the cane and stared at them in silent contemplation.

"Or we could-"

Abigor started but I interrupted him by waving my hand to silence him and turning my head. "No. Iv'e got a better idea." I rested the bottom tip of the cane on the ground and folded my hands over the top end like my father would have, in mockery. "We split up. We'll cover more ground that way."

They both nodded their heads in agreement and waited for me to give them orders.

"Wallow, go search the areas around the local bars." He nodded his head once.

"Abigor, the churchyard." He smirked gave a slight chuckle.

"If you find anything, report back to me immediately. Understand?" They both nodded their heads and disappeared. Or dissolved.

I looked around one last time at the small deserted ghost town we had decided to come and search around at, in other times once known as San Venganza, and grabbed the cane before teleporting myself to the one place I never thought I'd ever willingly go; Johnny's apartment.

I materialized inside of his apartment and just stood there on guard for a moment. Just in case he decided to attack once he saw me. I really didn't want to be here, but if Gressil just so happend to have a little run in with the Ghost Rider that unfaithful night and got himself flambed, I would like to know.

So far Johnny is nowhere to be seen, but that doesn't mean he is not here. All of the lights are off and it's pitch black in here. Just how I like it. Darkness gives me better cover than one might think, even from the Ghost Rider. I smirked just as I heard movement in the back room. I quickly hid within the shadow I was currently standing in and waited patiently.

A moment later Johnny came shuffling from the back room, rubbing his eyes and yawning. _Hah! _I figured him seeing me in his apartment would me a nice wake up present.

I stepped out from the shadows behind him. Poor humans, so naive. He didn't even know I was behind him till I laughed and he jumped and whirled around. The shock on his face was enough evidence already.

"Well well, if it isn't the infamous _Johnny Blaze_ himself.'' I mocked.

He stared at me in horror before the recognition flashed through his eyes. Then he just looked angry. I guess I should have been insulted by that, but I just couldn't hide the smirk on my face as he pointed his finger at me and shook his head.

"You" He said in a low voice. "I killed you in San Venganza."

"Oh Johnny, when are you going to learn? _You _can not kill me.'' I gave him a sly grin ''Not that easily.''

I saw the fire burning in his eyes and remembered what I came here for, and that what I came here for was not a fight. Especially with the Rider who could end up sending me back to my father...again. My smile faded at the bitter memories of me losing the battle against Johnny in San Venganza. Beginners luck.

"We'll see about that." He advanced towards me and I held my hands up to hopefully shut him down before he exploded into flames.

"I'm just here in search for...my _friend_." That last word left a bitter taste on my tongue, but I quickly continued, ''He has something of..mine..that I would very much like back."

I didn't want Johnny knowing that what ''He'' has actually belongs to my father, or he'll know that I'm trying to avoid returning to Hell at all costs and send me back there again. If Johnny wasn't threatening me right now I would have sighed. Too much 'Deja vu' for my taste.

"And you think that your "_friend_" is in my apartment?" Johnny slowed his pace, but I could tell his guard went up a couple notches.

"Yes." I answered simply.

I could tell by the look on Johnny's face that he was going to ask who, but I didn't wait for him to voice it.

"Remember that first night when the fire demon was awaken? The _Rider_?" I put my hands down.

Johnny glared. I took that as a yes.

"Do you remember the earth elemental you burned?" You know, with your chain." I tried in vain to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.

"...Vaguely." Johnny answered hesitantly.

"I'm searching for him."

Johnny looked like he wanted to explode again. "I killed him! I killed the four of you and sent you all back to Hell! How are you..them.._all of you_, how are you still alive!"

I figured now would not be a good time to push his buttons. As much as Id enjoy it...

" Uh, well...you didn't actually _send_ any of us anywhere. My _father_ dragged my unconscious body back to Hell, where as the others..stayed on earth. Just like they always have been since cast out of Heaven."

"Wha..that...but..how? WHY?" Johnny stuttered over his words.

"Because you can't kill us-"

Johnny stormed towards me with fire in his eyes and I backed up till my shins hit an enormous pile of books and a work bench littered with tools. I placed my hand on the bench to steady myself, but I had to look away from the advancing and thoroughly pissed off Johnny when my hand got tangled in cold metal.

My mouth went dry when I realized it was the Rider's chain.

"Wait, wait, I'm not finished! I put my hands back up in surrender. "I meant that you _can _kill us..or, uh..send us back to hell, you just _didn't_!"

Johnny's hands burst into flames. "Last chance, Blackheart. Explain."

"Er..well..you see.." Now it was my turn to stutter. "You didn't send us to Hell because you..um.. "killed" us all within our own elements." I cleared my throat and tried to maintain _some_ dignity. "Like you killed Wallo-uh, the water elemental, in water. And the earth elemental, on gravel, and me within the shadows...get what I'm saying..." My voice trailed off.

I relaxed a bit when Johnny's hands returned to normal, and sighed in relief when he turned his attention away from me.

Johnny nodded his head thoughtfully. "Yeah, I get it." he reached over and flicked a light switch, casting out all of the shadows in his apartment. "Now let's try this again."

Suddenly his whole body combusted into flames and I resisted the urge to shriek like a little girl when a fire ball the size of my head singed a big flaming hole through the wall next to me.

Johnny threw another fire ball and I spun away just in time, taking notice of the books that also caught fire in it's wake. He and I danced around the apartment for a while, him throwing fire and chains and more fire, and me, well, same stuff but with sulphur..and no chains. I guess Johnny had made a dive for his chain sometime during our little tiff, without my notice.

But believe me, I was noticing now!

His chain wrapped securely around my wrist and I was suddenly whisked up flung around through the air like a flag on the 4th of July. Once again, I resisted the urge to scream in a high pitched like fashion.

My back collided with glass for a split second before it shattered and I was sailing down through the crisp, night air towards the filthy puddled street below. I quickly teleported onto the roof of the building and made sure I was alone before I aloud myself to slump to the ground in exhaustion.

Great! Just great! I'm never going to get out of it this time. My father is going to be so angry with me...

I looked over my shoulder where I could see black smoke rising from Johnny's shattered window and stood up when I heard police sirens not to far off. I took that as my signal to leave, even though I never got my answer from Johnny. I scowled.

Curse him. Again.

**oOo**

"Whoa..what..happened..to you?" Wallow's voice labored.

"Yea, your face looks like a charred Picaso painting." Abigor stated.

I glared as best I could with swollen eyes. "The Ghost Rider is what happened to me!" I practically had to limp my way back into San Venganza.

Their eyebrows rose simultaneously.

"So that was you!" Abigor sounded shocked.

"What was me?" I snapped, angry and a little confused.

"Word on the..street is...the Ghost Rider...is tearing up his city...looking...for you." Wallow breathed heavily.

I gave them blank stares.

"Word travels fast." Abigor informed.

My temper flared back up again. "Did you idiots see any signs of Gressil?"

They flinched. "No"

I sighed angrily and face palmed. "Ouch!" I sighed again. Stupid Rider.

Wallow twitched nervously.

Abigor scratched his chin in thought. "Your fight with the Rider caused a big scene. It's all over the TV! Sulphur and fire everywhere, plus the dead human bodies and the trashed up bar equal more coppers, and more cops equal more witnesses, and more witnesses explains all of it being broadcasted on every news station..."

I glared again "Where are you going with this, Abigor?" I didn't even want to ask why or how they new it was on TV when then they were suppose to be keeping an eye out for Gressil.

"If Gressil is in the city, he's probably hidding!" He cheered at his brilliant conclusion.

Just then a completely disheveled and confused Gressil came stumbling out from behind one of the run down buildings. He stretched and scratched his stomach like a pig before he spotted us staring at him in shock.

"Aaaaayyy!"He smiled stupidly. "Nice partying last night, huh fellas?" He shuffled over to join us.

"GRESSIL!" Abigor and Wallow shouted simultaneously as Abigor latched onto Gressil in a bear hug and Wallow threw his fists up in excitement. And then it happened. Right before my eyes I watched in slow-mo as the metal skull from my father's cane tumbled out from the inside of Wallow's coat pocket and land with a single heavy thud onto the dirt at our feet.

Everyone froze.

Suddenly Abigor leaped for it at the same time Wallow did. Abigor got to it a split second before Wallow, who ripped it from his hands and held it in the air triumphantly. "I found it! I found i-"

"No, _I _found it!" The air elemental snatched it right back.

Wallow looked insulted. "_NO, I _did!"

"Me!"

"ME!"

They continued their bickering, but it was all background noise to me. All I could focus on was the newly found piece to my father's cane, clenched tightly in Abigor's fist.

"SHUT IT! BOTH OF YOU!" They turned their heads at the interruption. I snatched it from Abigor and stuffed it snugly into my coat pocket. "_I found it._" My voice went demonic again.

To say I was seething was an understatement. Because of all of the searching we did, of all the trouble we went through..._I_ went through, Wallow had it the whole time. The _whole _time.

My livid gaze locked onto Wallow and he visibly shrunk. "You pathetic little-"

He glanced behind me and raised a finger. "Um..B-Blackhe-"

"-_sniveling_ piece of-" I began to advance on him and he slowly backed up.

His eyes got bigger. "You..he..behind-"

"sewage sh-" My words were suddenly and very painfully cut off when a burning chain wound its way around my torso. My eyes widened and I immediately knew who was behind me.

The Ghost Rider.

_"No darkness to save you now, Blackheart." _The Rider growled. _"Tell your father I said hi!" _

The last thing I saw before everything turned black was the tip of the suns rays shine through San Venganza as the Rider's flames engulfed me completely, turning my skin to ash.

**oOo**

My father's hideous demonic half-breed guards dragged me through his throne room by my arms, and forced me onto my knees, before him. I knew what was coming. I knew it all along, there's no way out, and no hope left for me. I hung my head in shame and defeat, I couldn't even look my father in the eye. A tense silence rang through out the room for a moment before he decided speak.

"Explain yourself." He demanded harshly.

The words quickly tumbled from my mouth. "...I was going for a walk when Gressil, Wallow and Abigor called me and told me to go meet up with them at a bar for my birthday, but when I got there I saw that they had your cane but the skull part was missing and they were really drunk so I couldn't get any answers from them and I got really angry and accidently killed all of the humans in the bar and then they trashed it trying to get away from me and then we spit up trying to look for it then Gressil went missing and I thought it was with him so I went to search at Johnny's apartment just in case he might have killed Gressil but he didn't like that so he let the Rider out and attacked me and beat me up and lit his building on fire but the police and them fixed it."I took a deep breath. "It was all over the news, I know, and I'm really really sorry I know you also told me not to draw any attention to myself and I didn't mean to but then we met up at San Venganza and we found Gressil there and he didn't have it but then Wallow got all happy to see him and the skull fell from his coat pocket and it turns out he had it the whole time! It never went missing and now look!"

I dug around in my coat till I found it and pulled it our for my father to examine. "See! It's not even scrat-" I paused when I saw him staring blankly at me and holding up my failed math test with a big red 'F' on the front that I had attempted to hide from him. The little metal skull slipped from my hand when I realized what I had just done.

My father's eyes turned black. "You did _what?_"


End file.
